Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
