dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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