you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
