I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
