he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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