why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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