these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Buhtt sex?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
