Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
