Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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