That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
