It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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