Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
