The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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