I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
