i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
