the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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