Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
