It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
