Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
