Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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