There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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