shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
It was confusing and full of hummus
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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