I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
