He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I still have a little drunk in my system
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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