Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
