Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
