Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
