Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
