That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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