Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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