We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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