i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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