I think i peed on brittanys purse
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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