Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
