We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
