Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
