that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
