rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
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