First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
