Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
