Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize