uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
