we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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