my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
