so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
