brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Apparently you make a good broom.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
