The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
