u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
"it" just moved
i just had sex bonerless
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
