My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
