Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
