Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
