this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize