walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
