fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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