the condom got lost in my hair
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
