You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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