So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
