i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
