I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
