but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
