it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
