just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
