If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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