; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
