I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
