I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
