there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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